Friday, August 20, 2004 shitified dae in sch....din wanna even turn up todae but in e end dragged myself out of bed at 625 coz ive been skipping 2 many friday lessons tt if i go on i'll b on my CT's wanted list.....rush like a mad dog so as not 2 b late...was cursing n swearin on my wae 2 sch....so sian lor.....holding on 2 my history notes n attempted 2 read but den end up staring blankly in2 it....den met deb on e train...wat a coincidence....complained a little 2 her bout my miseries n found sum comfort coz she had 2 stay in sch till 4....while i finish my dae at 1110......aniwae i reached sch quite on time....still quite pist by e fact tt i was in sch coz i realli din wanna attend sch.....TCP's history lect was crap coz i tink he rushin thru n b4 i even try 2 catch wat he was saeing he alreadi 'explain' finished le....WTH man....den econs lect i was so tired n restless tt i fell aslp towards e end of it.....realli CMI le......attended econs tutorial after a short break feelin rather worried coz i wasnt prepared 4 e lessons....walau....whu noes e DRQ i rushed thru 2 prepare yest wasnt even discussed coz we ran out of time......kaoz lor.....early noe dun do liao...wasted my time....cld haf slpt earlier yest....i was super irritated...damn it!!! at 1110......walked out of my classrm...met barney n bangkee outside e staff rm.....n i wonder when is barney goin 2 return me my orientation tee?!??! after tt i headed straight 4 e main gate n walked out of sch.....heck arh....so fed up tt e onli ting i wanted 2 do was go home n slp...well on e wae hm i suddenly had several tots in my head...i was wondering in my entire life were i given any choices at all....ive been sent 2 sch by my parents '4 my own gd' but isit realli so?!?! so isit a choice out of none...i realli dunno???!! another instance wld b in terms of chances tt were given 2 me.....were dere realli chances given 2 me?!?! isit coz i choose 2 not use my chances properly tt i end up havin none or do i realli haf dem?? i realli dunno.....so afterall perception is realli an illusion created by reality isit??? am i realli 2 pessimistic....am i realli clutchin e past so tightly tt i cant embrace e present?? n y do pple sae tt todae is a gift coz its called 'present' when i dun even like it at all....wats wrong wif me arh?!? suddenly so many qns in my mind....i jus feel so overwhelmed....felt realli down n hence went hm slpt frm 1-7 without any food n toilet break.....was realli a gd slp.....has been sum time since i enjoyed slpg like dis.....gr8 experience indeed....but woke up had slight gastric coz no lunch todae.....but wat realli turned me off is my father's nagging.....darn it......does he ever understands?!?! its nt tt i dun wanna slp at nite n purposely cum hm n nap in e aftn.....whu wun wanna enjoy a gd nite of rest if given a CHOICE!!! i had 2 rush thru my tutorials n prepare 4 e next dae lor.....i also wanna slp early wat....but jus i dun haf a choice.....1 moment u wan me 2 set my priorties rite by putting sch work 1st den nw tt im doin so at e expense of slpg early at nite den u complain.....WTS.....can sum1 pls tell me wat 2 do.....if i cant nap in e aftn 2 catch up on sum slp den tell me wat u wan me 2 do.....im realli veri pist!! i jus din wanna sae anithing coz if i lost my cool i'll bcum veri rude....i noe it.....coz its my father tts y i TOLERATED like crazy.....but i tink e time is near....its jus a matter of time b4 i blow my top.....im jus prayin hard tt i dun do so....but when forced n pressured 2 e end of my wits.....i can realli get worked up n flare.....haiz....i jus wan all dis shit 2 stop irritating me n 4 gdness sake....LEAVE ME ALONE......stop pissing me off.....i wanna jus focus on studies on NUTHIN else....so much so tt i wan 2 tell my father dis..."if i produce results 2 show u.....den u dun haf e rite 2 sae tt wat im doin is not appropriate"....even if i slp e whole dae away......dun bother me as long as i show u i can cope........HAIZ......realli wats wrong wif ME!!!!!
& Monokuro Boo ;
10:28 PM
