Thursday, October 14, 2004 a blink of e eye...graduation ceremony 4 e J2s is over...its 1 dae after alreadi...wah...much as i din wanna go 2 sch 2 c dem off...i still went aniwae...part of me still belong dere i tink...so its like part of me has actualli left NY too...nope...i din cry...jus had 2 put up wif e happie look when i wasnt any happier...seeing everybody leaving sch yest was hard...saeing bye was even harder...but all hidden behind tt smile on my face...gaf amanda a big hug yest b4 leaving...when i heard her saeing '...i'll miss u a lot..."...i wanted 2 sae tt 2 her too....but i cldnt speak up...i knew if i did i wld cry...jus din wanna sae anything...jus a big hug...an action speaks louder den words...
tok a lot wif ah ng...my last year civics tutor...spoke 2 her bout how i felt bout dis whole year in sch...miary,cheeks n cousin came over n bid gd bye coz dey had 2 go 4 bbgt stuff...seeing dem walk off dis time round created a different feeling...its like dis time walk off le...no more next time le...ping den came over after tt 2 inform us how rubbish barney is bout wanting 2 attend burger's guitar concert 4 his Lit students...as usual barney is 'si xing bu gai'..but tt nonsense took my mind off 4 awhile...at least at tt moment i was laughing....frm e bottom off my heart de...continued toking 2 ah ng 4 a while more den also sae bye bye le...went back inside class 2 c wat i got 4 e exchange gift thingy...got sanie's pressie...veri nice...a lot of stuff inside...including dis rubber band 2 tie hair...i dunno tie wat also...not enuff hiar 2 tie...but i'll still keep it coz its realli pretty...e zip-pouch also veri nice...so r e socks...gr8 colour...took a pic wif ping n barney...isit 4 1 last time?!?
idled 4 a little moment more den left sch wif barney n long...dey din noe y dey came 2 sch 4 yest coz it was such a short dae...made me tot of e same thing..."wat e heck was i doin in sch yest?!?!"...but i noe de...had farewell gifts 2 gif dem...had 2 sae gd bye...though not a single "GOOD BYE" came out frm my mouth...i merely waved most of e time...or jus said "bye"...cldnt bring myself 2 sae e word "GOOD"....how gd can a bye get aniwae...walked wif barney n long 2 their bus-stops...another bye 2 barney at e bus-stop (hopefully not last...) den n i left wif long on bus 53 on e opposite side...even taking bus 53 wif long seem 2 b e last time...haiz...everything came along wif e tag "LAST TIME" yest...
went hm n started 2 idle ard e whole dae...watched tv n slacked a lot...left at evening time 2 go grandma's place...slack dere again...came home...continued watchin HK VCD...barney called n tok frm 145-245am...as usual conversation started off at 1 matter but den dunno how it linked until in e end tok shit...n arguments after arguments...but tts e fun of it...but after another "BYE"...haiz...put down fone le...decided 2 go slp...off all e lights...cant slp...my mind jus kept cumin up wif bad tots...it suddenly struck me..."we stepped into NY together...so sorrie...i din keep 2 my promise...we cant leave together...ive let u down..."...it jus came into my mind...at tt moment i was so drowned wif sorrow...tink it was e exact feelin ive been struggling wif 4 e whole dae...sobz...cannot stop cryin...it jus came 2 me so suddenly...i din noe wat happened too...had another long conversation wif God...cried myself 2 bed...but at least i noe tt wif God...i wun hafta sae gd bye...coz i noe He will b dere 4ever de...woke up dis aftn...PUFFED UP eyes...both sides of my pillow still wet...wah...veri tired...almost cant open up my eyes...
anithing changed after yest? mayb my puffed up eyes...besides tt anymore? dunno...dun wish 2 tink bout it le....
