Monday, January 31, 2005 ARGH......sumbody rescue me....im drowning in the sea of integration....WHU E HECK CAME UP WIF INTEGRATION.....shucks man.....i totalli detest it...i dunno wat im doin n everytime i tink its reallie correct.....IM STILL WRONG.....wats wrong wif me or wat e heck is wif e topic itself.....i din attend sch todae.....2nd attempt in a mth 2 pon sch....nope...it wasnt planned...i woke up dis mrng n got a shock of my life tt it was already 650am....after much analyse of my timetable....i decided tt its no pt gg 2 sch 2dae coz ive 3 hrs of break in between n den i end sch ends at 210.....moreover econs tutorial is basically crap, hist tutorial is always early dismissal n GP lect is no pt attending....so gg 2 sch 4 an hour of econs lect seems 2 unworthy of the long journey....esp when im already late.....mite as well jus absent myself den can slp longer n also stay home n face e damn it integration........im gg 2 fall into another depression soon wif all dis rubbish integration....i hate e feelin of unsuccessful attempts n cannot stop pondering over e same qns 4 e entire day n nite.....ARGH.....4get it.....im gg 2 boycott tutorial 5.....*pissed off*
& Monokuro Boo ;
4:30 PM
Friday, January 28, 2005 im burnt...sun burnt....n im turning charred frm e cute rosy pink which lasted till onli dis mrng....jus nw while i was bathin i noticed tt i bcame so dark out of a sudden!! wow...got quite shocked...went swimming on wed after sch wif barn barn n bangkee....interesting 2 b teachin others how 2 swim..coz its been quite a long time since i actualli did tt...wahahahah...i like being TANNED....ahahahah..it makes me look healthier although im nt physically healthy ever since i stopped takin PE....
hmmm.....e past 5 daes jus passed me by like a gust of wind.....i was rather pist last weekend but after sch for dis 5 daes....i felt much better....or mayb much worst....tts e paradox of havin 2 attend sch...mad rush of tutorials everyday...esp econs.....n maths is driving me mad coz of e irritating integration which i detest all my life.....hist test was more of a flop.....but whu cares anyway.....
todae in sch during GP lessons i was so bored tt i decided 2 start baffing my nails...dere seem 2 b a crazy trend in my class over dis whole 'nail baffing' thingy.....n 2b frank my nails r realli so shiny n healthy lookg now...i luv e sight of my fingers now....look so nice lor.....wahahahahha...so ive decided tt i'll start investing on manicure n 4 a start...i'll go 2 buy myself a good nail baff.....n start baffing everyday.....den by CNY i'll haf super nice finger nails....wohoo....ahahahha....i tink dis CNY is so cool....coz 4 e 1st time i bought so many new clothes 4 myself n so mani new stuff too.....i mite even haf sum extra cash 2 spend on my loved ones....mayb i'll tink of wat 2 get daddy 4 his bdae later....n mayb get certain things 4 certain pple....im nt sayin whu.....those whu receive smthg frm me will noe whu u r la.....i decided tt 2b able 2 gif is being more blessed den being able 2 receive.....so dis CNY i wanna gif wat i can too!!!
& Monokuro Boo ;
3:42 PM
Sunday, January 23, 2005 haiz....down todae....not happie doin wat im doin....reason being i dunno y.....jus went swimming in e aftn wif ivan at e club again....dis time wif e sun.....ok...at least i did smthg i wanted 2 do todae....but now im feelin so drained out by e scorching sun n im emitting lotsa heat too....jus dun feel like doin anything constructive tonite...i noe im supposed 2b revising or at least reading smthg n not waste all my time stoning e nite away.....but i jus cant seem 2 get my hands moving...neither my brains 2 focus properly....mayb im losing momentum alreadi....i dunno.....but im determine 2 pick it up soon....i jus need a break frm all dis routines....ive been sayin dis over n over again...but nv seem 2b able 2 realli put my pen down n take a gd rest.....watched a little tv jus now frm 6-8pm.....actualli e tv isnt realli tt uninteresting afterall....mayb im jus 2 deprived of watchin tv 4 a long time till e extent tt i lost total contact wif e media...except mayb e radio.....so i guess tonite will b a gd chance 4 me 2 jus sit n throw all work aside n jus WATCH TV or surf e net....or mayb chat online....even stoning wld b a gd choice....jus no work.......all work n no play makes me a dull gal.....yupz....set...i shall abide 2 dis tonite....jus 4 tonite onli......heeheez...!!
& Monokuro Boo ;
9:44 PM
oh wat a season of e year...all my cousins seems 2b getting attached...went 4 bbq at my dad's sis place jus nw 2 celebrate sum cousin's bdae...saw mani unfamiliar faces too....hmmm...realised tt dey were either my female cousin's boyfren or male cousin's galfren...of coz not e other way round la....din expect my younger cousin 2b brave enuf 2 bring her boyfren along....but its kinda ok coz my auntie..which is her mom din mind too.....of coz my other aunties...including my own mother were busy gossiping about dem....being so young n stuff....but i personally feel tt at e age of 18....its nt reallie young liao lor....probably all e aunties of mine n my mother hafta change their mindset about BGR...
of coz i was feeling uncomfortable all e time during e BBQ when e same stoopid qns came 2 me....like "hey racheal...when isit ur turn 2 bring sum1 home too?"....WTH....even if i had sum1 i wun bring him 2 such gatherings 2b interrogated by so mani pple....n den bcum e gossiping target of all e aunties....my mommy was super irritating coz she kept tellin me tt my cousin was too young n it was inappropriate 4 her 2b dating now......oh cummon man.....her parents din even mind so y is my mother nagging n nagging...n worst of all its at ME....WTH.....is tt supposed 2b a hint or wat?!? of coz being e straightforward me...i wld tell my mother tt i tink its perfectly alrite 2b dating at 18.....looks like my mother wld kill me if i was e 1 who is dating......oh wellz.....y am i getting fed up over dis issue?!?! guess it jus brings back memories which onli serve 2 hurt more....blah.....i shld jus forget it n shut my mother up b4 she starts tokin bout dis issue again n start pissing me off unnecessarily.....
& Monokuro Boo ;
12:51 AM
Friday, January 21, 2005 im totalli sick of doin maths....integration is disgusting...spent 1 whole aftn 2dae tryin 2 complete 32 qns but at e end of e dae i left 10 qns blank...kinda frustrated so i decided 2 jus 4get it n get on wif revising sumting else....had a quick dinner den went 4 a nite swim at e club opposite my hse.....no sun though....but it was a veri nice swim coz i longed 4 a swim 4 soooooo long.....e next time i go swimming i wanna go when dere's a gd sun...heeheez!! sighz...i cant believe i spent my holiday doin tutorials todae....wat a wae 2 spent my day indeed...mentally drained n challenged....makes me wonder how wld i make it all e wae 2 e 'A's....its a long ride i guess....or mayb not so long afterall....about 10 months.....somehow i guess b4 i noe it....it will be over...when isit gg 2b my turn 2 slack?!?.....i am reallie sick of sch.....well...hopefully all tt im doin now will be paid off by gd results eventualli....blah...i dunno wat im tokin....nvm....guess im jus tired.....wif all e chlorine water into my eyes....i can feel tt its getting smaller....so mayb its time 2 slp again.....alritez.......gd nite 2 all....
& Monokuro Boo ;
11:03 PM
Monday, January 17, 2005 wow...3rd week of sch...basically zombified..not coz i did lotsa self study at home...guess its coz i went shppg e whole of sunday...n sat was also gone coz was my paternal GM bdae...dis weekend din do anything constructive...feel realli guilty bout it...im supposed 2 b mugging my weekends away....but still like not veri into e momentum of mugging yet...sch todae was rather bad....i fell aslp in both econs n GP lect...oh man...i felt so lethargic...n i realli cldnt help it...i realli wanna stay alert but i cant take it....simply 2 restless...stoopid econs tokin bout money...damn sian lor....lecturer also monotone....but 1 gd news is tt im no longer takin PE lessons....coz i will b getting a long-term MC dis wed 2 excuse myself frm fitness test....n tt wld mean NO MORE PE 4 me.....wahahaha...cant wait man.....so dis wed im not gg 2 attend sch coz i need 2 wake early 2 b at e polyclinic 4 my long awaited MC....
hmmm...also had my 1st history 's' paper lesson wif TCP todae...wow....had e feelin of sum 'exclusive' lessons indeed....but obviously dere's a price 2 pay la....had 2 stay till 4pm n plus hafta sound learned dere too....i was like giving e 'wat e heck' look half e time...esp when TCP ask me wat r my views on Historiography...oh gosh.....chim word rite.....i tink its e study of 'wat is history' kinda term.....my fellow history 's' paper mates were indeed an impressive lot....though dere is onli e 4 of us....dere's dis particular guy whu is like super pro.....all e books he read n all tt he noe of history....made me believe tt he actualli read every single hist text in e sch library.....somehow i was awed yet a little inferior too.....once tt person start giving his opinion....i tink my point of view sounds so dumb in comparison to his higher order tinkin ans......i tink its time tt i shld read up more too...i cant lag behind e others so much.....i somehow feel tt im mite nt cope veri well wif 's' paper...dunno leh...jus a feelin....its nt like im super pro in hist or wat....i feel tt my standard is jus kinda average...nt tt outstanding either.....oh wellz....takin e 's' paper was jus 4 experience sake.....not so much of dying 2 get a scholarship actualli....so mayb i will jus enjoy e journey instead of get stress over it.....
i realli cant wait 4 fridae 2 cum.....so dere's no need 2 go 2 sch....i also wish tt CNY will cum soon...so tt i can b rich again...ahahha....aniwae...time 2 get back 2 my tutorials.....till i blog again....
& Monokuro Boo ;
9:36 PM
Thursday, January 13, 2005 dere is smthg screaming frm inside my head.....I NEED A BREAK....stop piling me wif tutorials....STOP IT....e moment i finish wif 1 set (wif 2 more still waiting in line)....cumes another set b4 i can even haf time 2 grasp 4 air....wats wif e sch?!? darn it...i need rest too...im self declaring a break frm sch nxt week....probably on wed since sch ends at 1010am....almost pointless attending sch.....shall tink bout it...
as i rush thru e past few daes....wif e insufficient slp n incompleted tutorials (no matter how hard i try 2 complete)...i din realli haf e time 2 stop n tink wat am i tryin 2 get out of all dis tt im doin...am i supposed 2 get a gd A level cert...get on wif uni life by slogging thru 4 another 3 years....get out into e corporate world n slog until i retire!??!......WTH....y is life all bout sloggin? wat e heck am i workg so hard 4? at e end of e dae wat do i realli get outta all dis shit....oh wellz...dat has always been a qns w/o any ans....im gettin tired of my routines.....almost all my frens envy me 4 still being able 2 attend sch.....every1 tells me how shitified workg life is as compared 2 sch....i try 2 feel blissful coz im still in NY...but u arent me....u wun noe how irritating it is 2 hafta attend sch everydae wif tt heavy heart n stressed mind (esp on PE days) ....how i realli long 2 get done n over wif e 'A's....how i long 2 STOP havin 2 c all these notes n tutorials.....how i long 2 work too....so tt i can earn my own money 2 buy whatever i wan to buy.....is tt a naive tot? i dunno.....i jus dislike wat im doin now....e feeling of helplessness is fast overcoming me.....God are u dere? y r dere so much uncertainties.....wat r u planning ahead 4 me? is dis a test of faith? argh....shucks....wats wrong wif me....perhaps i shld jus stop askin so mani qns n FOCUS.....
i need 2 learn how 2 4get wat i need 2 4get n move on wif life....all e while...all e time...ive been so bogged down by you...perhaps its time....time 2 jus GET ALIVE...as e saying goes....once in a lifetime.....its onli once.....after tt it will b long gone n over....jus like e wae tings r now....will i b able 2 do it? well i tink so....mayb i'll try......4 tml will b a betta dae (i hope)..........
& Monokuro Boo ;
8:43 PM
Saturday, January 08, 2005 like e title of my post suggest...mayb afterall not all tings r meant 2b left as memories..sumtimes i guess dey r betta off left forgotten...but its not as easy as it seemed 2 b....or mayb in e veri 1st place it was nv easy.....y do tings hafta turn out dis way...i realli hate 2 tink of it....i tot i din mind....i realli tot so.....but looks like im proven wrong....smthg which i took so much effort 2 bury so deeply so tt it wldnt re-surface.....but i tink e deeper it goes in.....e longer it stays.....
pple sae time heal all wounds.....but even after healin dere will no doubt be a scar left behind.....i guess no matter how i try 2 salvage e whole ting......or mayb not salvage....shld i sae forget instead....it is gg 2 b a part of me forever......
i shld haf known betta...given my stubborn mind....no matter how much different im now as compared to b4....i shld haf known veri well tt deep inside me.....tings nv did change....
想念
季節讓街頭櫥窗換了不同的模樣
好象抓不住時光
霓紅燈在我眼前不停不停閃
好象驚嘆號映眼框
想起曾在我身旁 分享心情的那個他
是否還無恙
哦 有些想念還在我心中收藏
點點滴滴那段時光
生命某一段因為你而發亮
直到今天還不能忘
哦 有些感傷關于我們的聚散
三言兩語無法說完
也許讓我們各自走了一段
又會重逢在老地方
& Monokuro Boo ;
1:59 PM
Thursday, January 06, 2005 argh...wat a dreadful dae in sch todae...i simply get super pissed off on thurs coz timetables r jus always so horrible...i practically stoned during maths tutorial coz i was dog tired....cldnt absorb anything...tink i gotta slp early liao...haf been burning midnight oil 2 rush tutorials n revise my work....its no joke handling 2 at e same time....i tink ive been pressurizing myself a lot recently...though its jus barely e 1st week of sch...i keep feelin stressed up easily by e piling tutorials....tink i mus learn how 2 let go n take tings easy....at dis rate im gg i tink b4 e mids r here....im gone....hmmm...time management problem.....mayb i shld draw up a timetable 4 revision...but e problem wif timetables r dey nv ever work out.....haiz....dunno la....jus fed up wif myself coz im so tired alreadi.....
so mani tings in my mind...i wan 2 b able 2 do everything....but i noe im incapable of tt....signs of kiasu-ism r surfacing.....aiyo...i betta hope i dun bcum overly obsessed wif studies....it mite get kinda scary.....eeeekkkss....
tink im gg nuts soon if i dun rest...so i guess meanwhile a little rest 1st while i continue tutorials later at nite....oh wellz.....till i blog again next time....
& Monokuro Boo ;
6:32 PM
Monday, January 03, 2005 somehow i din feel xcited todae even though it was e 1st dae in sch once again...mayb after 12 'first-days' in sch...i got quite sick of it...has been a long time since (dun even noe when) i woke up when e sky is still dark...it feels gd 2 take in e cool mrng breeze but e tot of sch still din appeal much 2 me....somehow i tink is bcoz i can alreadi predict wat will happen in sch....finalli....it was my turn 2 b in year 2...it does feel gd 2 b where i am now bcoz i tink i worked hard enuf 2 deserve 2 b where i am now....no regrets....but i guess sch will nv b e same again 2 me.....todae when i 1st stepped into NY....many tings changed...i c another new batch of J1s....glad tt im no longer gg thru tt orientation....i cant deny e fact tt i do miss my present class a little....i mean after sucha long break its gd 2 c dem again....its also kinda gd 2 b back in sch....but wat i miss most is still A6...todae in sch...as i looked ard e sch building....i noe 1 ting is missing 4 sure.....i miss all my frens....esp when im in e canteen....dere no longer a need 2 'chop' seats in e sch canteen....dere's no longer a need 2 anticipate e sight of e A6-ians....neither was there a need 2 feel xcited everytime i c a certain teacher or an unusual incident......guess sch will jus b a typical dae out of e hse 4 me frm now onwards.....but thank gdness i dun hate gg 2 sch...in fact im glad im still schooling.....somehow e J2 spirit feels betta den being in J1.....its jus e problem wif me being nostalgic out of a sudden....
i noe dis is gg 2 b a busy year 4 me....mayb no more time 4 me 2 cling on 2 matters tt wun change anymore.....time heals all wound...true enuf....it does work.....move on wif life.....n live it 2 e fullest....dis is exactly wat e little inner voice is tellin me 2 do....i shall do tt frm todae onwards.....i guess 1 year is realli a short time.....mayb b4 i realised, e 'A's will come n go in e twinkle of e eye.....oh wellz.....i havent been feelin 2 gd recently bcoz of e bloated tummie i haf....everytime i eat i feel like throwing up......jus went 2 e doc n got a bag of medicine 2 eat....yucks.....its makin me drowsy.....i tink i shld go rest soon....n prepare myself 4 e new dae ahead of me tml.....on e whole i wld sae tt todae's 1st dae in sch had been quite a gd 1....putting aside e fact tt my tummie hurts.....
& Monokuro Boo ;
5:02 PM
Saturday, January 01, 2005 how typical can another year like 2004 get...it jus flew by like tt again...i received e new year yest nite together wif my whole family at my cousin's place..we had steamboat dinner, lotsa laughter and fun picking angpows frm e christmas tree...wat a tradition indeed...mixed culture frm e east n west huh?!? hahaha...aniwae sum of dem left b4 12 midnite while e rest continued wif e VCD marathorn...i retreated into e room 2 type out e meeting minutes of my church youth leaders meetin...wat a wae 2 receive e new year...hmmm....kinda bored...barney u were supposed 2 cum n keep me company but den pangseh me coz of ur shyness....wat a reason...funnie gal...oh well aniwae e mahjong session wif daddy, sam n zoey started at bout 1230am.....ivan took over at bout 1am n e session lasted till bout 330am....den guess wat....all of us including my mom joined in e 'blackjack' game after tt...till bout 5am....it was den mom n dad went home n e rest of us continued watchin VCD......not bad....at least managed 2 survive e whole nite w/o slpg.....den at 545am went mrng exercise wif my GM......e air was super fresh n cooling.....felt so healthy suddenly......but e rain came as unexpected....ended up in macs 4 breakfast coz cldnt walk 2 e mkt as e rain was 2 heavy...supposed 2 go swimming wif ah barn todae but den weather was horrible...until now is still terrible...rain n rain e whole mrng.....postpone la...no choice...meanwhile im jus rotting....jus suddenly tot how wld my 2005 turn out 2 b....will it b a fun year....will it b fulfilling.....will it b enriching...or rather will it b tiring too? so mani doubts n yet no ans...i guess i onli can receive all dis wif an OPEN heart.....double meanings....oh wellz......e big As dis year...nt tt im worried....im jus bored i guess...i need smthg BIG 2 light up my boring life.....wonder is e As big enuf....i tink i sound crazy....okie nvm......regardin e mission trip n extension stay i shall nt comment here....coz i dun tink i can finish typing...4 those i wan 2 tell i alreadi told.....but 1 ting 4 sure...it was an experience of a lifetime.....1 tt i'll nv forget....i learnt a lot.....i learnt how 2 appreciate more n not take tings 4 granted......events tt happened in 2004...esp in e mth of dec made me understand n appreciate wat i haf.....2004 did nt start off e right note 4 me....it din realli end off nicely too....wif all e chaos ard e world....wif all e lethargy i feel....n e bad stomach tt im still havin......let e bygones b bygones.....its finalli 2005.....though i still hafta attend sch on 3rd jan while most of my frens dun haf 2.....but mayb i shld b glad n happie bout tt coz at least i dun hafta work n slog my guts out 4 a job....so i guess cherish n love.....my motto 4 year 2005.......tts it 'Cherish n Love'.......
& Monokuro Boo ;
4:17 PM
