Thursday, January 13, 2005 dere is smthg screaming frm inside my head.....I NEED A BREAK....stop piling me wif tutorials....STOP IT....e moment i finish wif 1 set (wif 2 more still waiting in line)....cumes another set b4 i can even haf time 2 grasp 4 air....wats wif e sch?!? darn it...i need rest too...im self declaring a break frm sch nxt week....probably on wed since sch ends at 1010am....almost pointless attending sch.....shall tink bout it...
as i rush thru e past few daes....wif e insufficient slp n incompleted tutorials (no matter how hard i try 2 complete)...i din realli haf e time 2 stop n tink wat am i tryin 2 get out of all dis tt im doin...am i supposed 2 get a gd A level cert...get on wif uni life by slogging thru 4 another 3 years....get out into e corporate world n slog until i retire!??!......WTH....y is life all bout sloggin? wat e heck am i workg so hard 4? at e end of e dae wat do i realli get outta all dis shit....oh wellz...dat has always been a qns w/o any ans....im gettin tired of my routines.....almost all my frens envy me 4 still being able 2 attend sch.....every1 tells me how shitified workg life is as compared 2 sch....i try 2 feel blissful coz im still in NY...but u arent me....u wun noe how irritating it is 2 hafta attend sch everydae wif tt heavy heart n stressed mind (esp on PE days) ....how i realli long 2 get done n over wif e 'A's....how i long 2 STOP havin 2 c all these notes n tutorials.....how i long 2 work too....so tt i can earn my own money 2 buy whatever i wan to buy.....is tt a naive tot? i dunno.....i jus dislike wat im doin now....e feeling of helplessness is fast overcoming me.....God are u dere? y r dere so much uncertainties.....wat r u planning ahead 4 me? is dis a test of faith? argh....shucks....wats wrong wif me....perhaps i shld jus stop askin so mani qns n FOCUS.....
i need 2 learn how 2 4get wat i need 2 4get n move on wif life....all e while...all e time...ive been so bogged down by you...perhaps its time....time 2 jus GET ALIVE...as e saying goes....once in a lifetime.....its onli once.....after tt it will b long gone n over....jus like e wae tings r now....will i b able 2 do it? well i tink so....mayb i'll try......4 tml will b a betta dae (i hope)..........
