Thursday, July 07, 2005 sighz...im feelin so down now...i din realli do so well for e mids....n i realli tot i wun mind so much....but i guess 'ben xing nan yi'.....its jus so me tt im results-oriented....i dun wanna be like tt but i cant seem 2 get outta dis stoopid habit of mine....i cant help it but 2 feel veri veri sad coz i din meet my target once again....i wanted an A for maths but ended up gettin a C...i wanted a C for econs but ended up getting an E....i havent gotten back history....so does it mean tt i wanted an E for history den i'll get an F? my gosh....i cant bear 2 tink of an F.....it has been like decades since i last saw e grade F....i told myself i wun ever wanna see it again....I DUN WAN!!!crapz.....i had tt sudden overwhelming emotion jus now....so much so tt i tot i wld break down n cry....i've been tolerating e whole dae in sch....tryin 2 look n sound happie coz i did relatively well as compared 2 my classmates....but how do i hafta react when every1 else gets an F den yet im nt happie wif a C....i cant whine like e rest coz it wld make me seem like an ass! so i end up tryin 2 force myself 2 be happie...look happie n stay happie.....at least till e end of e dae...n now when im home i realli dun wanna behave tt wae....i wan so much 2 tell daddy i did nt do realli tt well...(aniwae dad alreadi predicted tt i wun do well.....n i wanted 2 prove him wrong....)...but everytime when he walk pass i cant open my mouth 2 sae anything...nuthin seem 2 cum out.....its like constipation but dis time is wif words! shucks.....meet e parents session is cumin soon.....haiz.....my parents wld be so disappointed....so am i....im definitely not ok now.....i guess i need 1-2 days 2 recover.....after tt i promise i'll put e past behind me n work towards e prelims n A levels....meanwhile im jus not rite..... & Monokuro Boo ;
10:02 PM
