Sunday, October 30, 2005 mode: extreme panicmood: highly stress-ablephysical condition: near 2 my own grave *veri exhausted*mental condition: perfectly sane in my opinion but already went bonkers frm a third perspectiveemotional state: frustrated but stubbornly refusing 2 concedeattitude towards work/revision: indifferent yet insecureattitude towards any1 whu irritates me: extreme F*** upsorrie 4 e bad tone in dis entry...but i jus cannot help it.... & Monokuro Boo ;
11:33 PM
Saturday, October 29, 2005 excluding todae...i still haf 10 days 2 A levels...i freaking stress up rite now n at dis kind of hour i can onli blog about it coz i doubt any1 wld entertain me...econs is driving me up e wall...my history is making me doubtful...im worried tt complacency mite drive me 2 my grave for maths...and perhaps my deepest mistake is 2 heck care about GP....OH GOSH...can sumbody/sumting/sumone save me...im drowing in my own sea of sorrow...i dunno how 2 express e desperate call for help...n i realli dunno whu can help me....isit realli myself....am i realli tt capable gal tt pple tell me i am...i noe self confidence is impt but at dis point of time its simply nt possible for me 2 lift my head up high n feel gd about anything now....its jus so miserable having 2 study n slog like mad...where r u my God? sobz...... & Monokuro Boo ;
2:59 AM
Tuesday, October 25, 2005 im so tired...physically tired...A levels is exactly 2 weeks away...i shall no longer comment how i feel about it...ive loads of pple ard me tellin me about how i will make it...jia you n all e best...sumtimes i wish i cld hear smthg new...of coz its veri sweet of my frens 2b sending me words of encouragement....but rachoo is in need of smthg more den encouragement....its strong strong motivation...tt onli i can find it by myself...every nite b4 i slp...i dream of a score of AAB...shld tt dream bcums a reality? im nt 2 sure about it myself coz in e day i keep havin visions of ACC...but dreams and visions without an action is onli a notion...i wan 2b e 1 crying on e day i collect my results....but dey mus be tears of joy... & Monokuro Boo ;
3:30 PM
Friday, October 21, 2005 i guess SEA hist isnt tt difficult after all...finalli finished 3 full essays n 3 full SBQs....im jus so glad...simply so relieved tt ive actualli managed 2 do more den i cld ever haf expected 4 SEA hist...e contentment of sheer hard work is realli uncomparable....doesnt even feel as gd as being lucky or fortunate in exams! ask me if im ready 4 e A levels....i tink so....actualli more of i dun realli care....jus take e exam lor...coz after all ive waited so long jus 2 sit 4 dis damn exams....n i realli wanna prove 2 myself tt e A levels cannot kill me! hahx....bloody A levels...watchout as i wield e power of my mathematical mind n e arguments 2 whack e hypothesis, as well as the wonders of my economical graphs and models...lets den see whu shall haf e last laugh! wahahahaha! i shall mould myself into becoming a source of pride...n dis shall be done 4 e sake of myself, my God, my parents, my friends, my tutors, my rivals and of coz veri importantly....MY JOY! wahahahahaha.....yea can u hear/see/feel/whatever.....tt im saying 2 u now....for u r my joy and tts y your pride will not disappoint u......jia you my joy, your pride, your joy, my pride....n our joy our pride....argh...whatever...i dunno wat im typin already..i guess im already tokin crap...ahahaha...brain freeze.... & Monokuro Boo ;
2:40 AM
Sunday, October 16, 2005 my feet hurts...kena blisters frm e pair of covered heels i had 2 wear 2dae...dun ask me y...im lazy 2 type it out here...i realli dun mind footwear tts nt flat but at least dey mus nt be covered coz ive got sweaty feet n its super uncomfy 2 wear covered heels....PUKE! aniwae i had lotsa fun out wif e church youth worship gang...its super crappy and high....ahahaha....lookg 4ward 2 our nxt outing but definitely not in covered heels....heeheez! time 2 go mug...coz i havent been mugging since yest.....got another 21 days 2 e start of e 'A's and another 34 days to e END OF IT ALL! & Monokuro Boo ;
8:17 PM
Wednesday, October 12, 2005 Today marks the end of my term in Nanyang...a day which i haf been waiting so long for. apparently i was more emotional den i tot i wld be...i din cry though...was holding back my tears upon listening to e last speech made by my CT...i was asked 2 sae smthg 2 e class but i cldnt realli express my tots properly..maybe i shld do it here den...To all tt haf made a difference to my life in Nanyang..Thank you very much...the times i spent in Nanyang shall be kept dear in my heart coz as ive said b4...it is dis veri place tt i got 2 noe many gr8 pple..e veri same place where i hit e ground so hard tt i learnt to stand up strong once again..e place which taught me e meaning of friendship...e place tt allow me 2 realise tt study wasnt everything and the place where i had countless fun experiences tt were most precious and priceless! These 3 years spent in Nanyang was indeed like a rollercoaster ride....many ups and downs but ive braved dem wif the company of my gd frens, frens, classmates and tutors. i am now veri honoured to sae that ive graduated frm Nanyang Junior College...a sch tt i wld always be proud of....quoting my principal, mrs ho.....today im proud of Nanyang and Nanyang shall be proud of me tml....Once again...thank you Nanyang for showing, teaching, guiding me all dis while...no amount of words can express my gratitude...n for tt...i'll make sure tt Nanyang will be proud of me.."Nanyang has stood by me and will stand by me"... & Monokuro Boo ;
6:42 PM
Monday, October 10, 2005 was jus wondering about all e wonderful tings tt i'll be doin after my As...hmmm...after experiencing dis 4 e 2nd time...i can definitely sae tt sch life is e worst after prelims...its like u've jus ended 1 major exam (the prelims) and den its usualli time 2 play...but dis time its different...its time 2 prepare 4 e upcoming VERI MAJOR exams....how shitified is dis man! ive been slacking a lot 4 dis few daes...cant bring myself 2 do proper work (when i sae proper work means no TV, no going out and no slpg late)...n apparently TV, the outside world and e bed haf been my veri gd companion 4 e past dunno how mani days or weeks....hahaha...ya i still dare 2 laugh coz i dunno wat else i can do....consultation wif my respective tutors in sch was perhaps jus 2 serve e major purpose of making myself less guilty 4 e fact tt i havent been studying veri hard! ive been making plans 4 my uni life nxt year....(hopefully will nt go 2 waste)...yupz barney is rite...i mus believe in myself in order 2 make it...n frm today onwards....i'll keep tellin myself tt i'll definitely do well in e A levels...if e need arises...i'll probably paste a big poster size letter A rite in front of my bed so tt i can see it every time i slp n wake....coz apparently lies become the truth when repeated too mani times...wahahahah! & Monokuro Boo ;
10:56 PM
Thursday, October 06, 2005 gdness...i cant help but tink im dying soon...wat is happening 2 me man?!?! i actualli blacked out on e bus while cumin home jus nw...4 a few seconds i tink....saw white stars.....or whatever u call tt...den my vision was gone! so i tot mayb i was jus tired....nuthin wrong....but when i went 2 bathe jus nw....i was feelg so giddy inside e toilet....practically holding on to e metal bar inside my toilet 4 support...so scared i will jus collaspe inside e toilet w/o any1 knowing! i felt tt i was fainting anitime....WTH....nw exam period....and my body is nt cooperating wif me...time is running away frm me n hw am i suppose 2 catch it wif the burden of a spinning head?!?! & Monokuro Boo ;
12:40 PM
Monday, October 03, 2005 i've been fooling myself all dis while...or i shld haf said i've been a fool all dis while...if e prelim results were nt posted online for all e entire J2 cohort 2 view..i guess all my life i wld jus be so conceited wif my own performance! OMG....my results SUX as compared 2 e entire cohort...doubt im even in e top 10% of e level...it was such a stupid ting 2b so contented jus bcoz i did relatively well in class (coz my class results is damn jialat!) panic mode switched on..its time 2 catch the train now...n i wan 2b on e Japanese bullet train... & Monokuro Boo ;
11:30 PM
Saturday, October 01, 2005 4 pple whu r closer 2 me..u probably noe tt im rather free nowadays coz i havent been studyin much...much less preparing for e A levels....dis is smthg weird coz most pple ard me r behaving like crazy pple rushing for e last train...while im still in e 'happy holidaying in Hawaii' mood...like as if e upcoming exam is gg 2b a breeze (much as i wish for it to be!) main issue of dis post: Complacencyam i realli gettin too complacent? my dad tinks so...frm e way i tok...frm e way i ans him bout my future! and dis left me pondering for e past 2 days....yupz i haf been feeling quite gd bout myself ever since prelims started....now tt my results r out....not tt i did veri well...but i sae tt wif tt results....im performing relatively ok....n perhaps its e beginning of all e complacency! haiz...gotta learn hw 2 lower my esteem...of mayb nt tt....shld be my ego n pride....b4 it gets outta hand n ruin my bright future....n if u din noe...as im typing dis entry....im jus so sick of feeling e way im feeling now.... & Monokuro Boo ;
9:14 PM
