Friday, November 30, 2007 the most traumatizing semester of my undergraduate studies has come to an end yest mrng! thank God it ended on a good note and i'm so glad its over! i never ever felt so restless during an exam...i was never so unprepared for a very long time..on hindsight...im quite impressed that i actually managed to survive such a trying semester! as i always say...what doesnt kill me makes me stronger! so racheal is a FIGHTER! hahaha...year 2007 is coming to an end soon...i tink this is a year which i can say that i 'grew-up' a lot...there were many 'first-times' this year...details shall be spared coz i'll take a scroll to finish writing them down...haha...lotsa significant experiences which resulted in me having a different perspective towards life altogether! I also realised that i've bcum more emo these days...i may not really show it explicitly but i noe that deep down inside...some thing is just not right...i tink its jus part and parcel of growing up! coming to terms with your emotions...well im still learning and wondering what is this 'growing up' all about! currently very glad that the holidays have started and school is out till next january! yeay! will be taking this opportunity to rest well and rejuvenate myself for year 2 semester 2! so anytime you wan to slack and tok cock sing song play mahjong...CALL ME! wahahaha! & Monokuro Boo ;
12:36 AM
Thursday, November 22, 2007 im feeling so lousy...its not anybody's fault...im trying not to put e blame on myself either...its over...but why e hell am i still pondering about it! utterly screwed...come to tink of it....wasted all my effort studying...i may get a pass for dis paper...but i noe it is definitely not justifiable....Current Mood: Very upset & Monokuro Boo ;
2:06 PM
Sunday, November 18, 2007 WAH! im finally done with the freaking CLASSICAL SOCIAL THEORY revision! dammmnnnnn SIAN can! gdness...this entry is going to be lingering with a great sigh of relief! see e irony?!?! 'sigh' of 'relief'...dunno whether to cry or smile or wat! i really feel like there is this little playful racheal inside of racheal...trying to get into some mischief during exam period! instead of having to 'lock' myself up at home studying e whole time...i wanna go out! anywhere is fine...anyone is fine...i jus need to get out! damn!
Yeay next week no need to play keys during service! coz its exams week so its a break for me! my 'shifu' is taking over....*claps claps*! kinda miss standing down there among the congregation to worship...no doubt being able to worship God thru playing the keys is an all-so-wonderful experience especially when i get the chords, rhythms, tempo, volume, etc, etc (a million of things to remember!) right....but still i managed to gain my poise most of the time coz i keep reminding myself that as long as i give my best to God...e rest is secondary! so before my break comes dis week....i mus do a review of my past month of playing ALONE! hahaha.....first and foremost...*drum-rolls*
- Thank you God for taking all my wrong chords and nonsense I've played all these weeks...I guess sometimes...perhaps You might be thinking..."Oh my gosh...wat are you doing Racheal?!?! Play music not noise!!". Haha..but i noe You will be pleased coz jus like how a Daddy should be proud of His daughter whenever she gives her best! So God...jiayou! (wat rubbish...asking God to jiayou! wahahaha!) and i tink You will still hafta listen to a lot of 'noise' but i will only improve!
- Thank you to all members of the Chinese worship team! 没有你们的包容我是不可能做到...even tho i dun consider myself as 'being there' yet...but still i mus thank everyone esp all e worship leaders for your patience and understanding along the way! you all have been of great assistance!
- Thank you to all of the Chinese 1630 Service congregation for your high level of tolerance to listen to me play...my motto is 'if you dare to listen i dare to play'....WAHHAHAHA! no choice la...amateur must be thick-skinned to survive!
- Thank you to Ps Kristy for always telling me to SMILE and play! hahaha....i really tried but sometimes i get stressed den forget! but dun worry! i'll get that into my head thru more practices! Thank you for the inspirations and motivations! you have been a great blessing for the worship team to have!
- Last but very very impt! to you 'shifu'...hahaha (you noe who you are la huh...) I've been sent by God after 10 years of your prayers to 'emancipate' you huh? (check that word out...i noe you cfm dunno wat it means! wahahaha!) but i never told you that you have helped me to revive that passion i once had for the piano/organ/keyboard (whatever you call it!) so yup....thank you for all that you have imparted to me thru e 9 mths, in and out of class...and still ongoing....hahaha...thanks for all e nagging and most of all...THANKS for the forced learning process of throwing me up there alone! indeed it was an experience of a lifetime....ride roller-coaster also dunno whether got so exciting or not....even tho i was damn jittery initially (still am now but less alrdy)...it was thru these times when there was NO ONE TO SAVE ME that i learned the most! im unable to say exactly wat i learnt...jus the experience for me to react to the many 'situations' that may arise...and den also out of bo-bian-ness...i had to use 'sus' chords to sound better..(see now my sus chords quite zai rite! hahaha!)...ya i noe i noe....please get my melody right asap...e deal is next year...i hope no need to extend contract till year 2009...WAHAHAHA! so to my SHI-FU cum '前浪'...后浪给您献上感谢...hahaha... [P.S: stop abandoning me during practices...if not quoting tony "your house in heaven no toilet den you noe!" HAHAHA!]
& Monokuro Boo ;
2:16 AM
Tuesday, November 13, 2007 每段故事都有一篇剧情每段爱情都像动人旋律一颗真心却只向着你前进也许爱越单纯越着迷你是窗外另外一片风景在你眼里我是什么关系你的呼吸藏在我的爱情里何时能诚实面对自己我们从不开口那个言语那一句我爱你永远像少了勇气别人都说我和你之间的关系没有人相信只有关心我们从不正视那个问题那一些是非题总让人伤透脑筋我会期待爱盛开那一个黎明一定会有美丽的爱情A song which speaks right through the heart..... & Monokuro Boo ;
8:09 PM
sigh...studying for this semester is so sickening! i really haf e 'i-dun-feel-like-studying' vibe kicking in every now and then! but den cannot give in to my instincts coz if nt i'll be screwed! now that im alrdy so dead....it takes almost no effort for me to be screwed for e exams! still trying to stay positive but with much internal conflicts working! ive so much of other things to do apart frm studying but yet im still studying...wah sian man! i need comfort food...loads of them to survive the exams...nv been so distracted in my entire life...every now and den taking breaks to 走更长的路....hope that im not wasting my effort....JIAYOU RACHEAL! 2 weeks to go...and happie happie holidays!just another random thought for e moment...will Christmas 2007 be merry? what is installed for 2008? another year of chasing after the wind? i hope not man.....ritey...im gg back to study.....STUDY STUDY STUDY...bleahz! & Monokuro Boo ;
5:35 PM
Sunday, November 04, 2007 people often say that the last hurdle of any obstacle is often at the very last lap...this means that it is often at the very last stage that pple choose to give up...not realising how near they are to their destination...but when you are 'that person'...been circumscribed to such circumstance...you bloody dun really wanna continue being stuck in there...coz it seems like forever to reach the end.....giving up is an option of indifference...but it is when you are unable to just walk away and not care but you so much want to be liberated...and that leaves you in such a state of ambivalence...how how how? procrastinate...leave it to tml? the same old problem will just keep coming back....last option...pray! but God you are taking so long to answer me? its like 987654321123456789 years alrdy....why am i still at ground zero? sigh...knocking at your door and wondering are you still there?i really dunno how to solve the issues on hand....i come before my God...i dunno wat to say...i only can use the tears that flow to tell Him how im feeling...because it is smthg that no words can represent....its jus the helplessness that is overcoming me....i really wanna tok to God...i really wish i was able to express my tots and tell Him everything about my life like a story...but i have somehow lost that ability to do so....everytime i come before Him...close enuf to relate...i lose myself to despair and tears...if there is 1 thing i cld ask for....i wld wanna come clean before God..allow me to re-possess that simple love that i use to have for you...help me set my priorities right...help me to make the correct decisions...help me to do what is favourable in your eyes....all these little intangible things seem so simple....but you really have no idea how difficult is it to achieve them...just how difficult is it to make a difference in this increasingly material world... & Monokuro Boo ;
12:45 AM
